Self Care and Life Coaching: 3 Common Problems You Can Overcome By Learning to Coach Yourself
The unexamined life is not worth living. – Socrates
On January 22 – 24th, 2021, I am partnering with Lora Lisi, Spiritual Coach and Founder of Bliss Om Holistic Learning Centre to facilitate a Self-Care Life Coaching Weekend Retreat. It’s all online so you can join us from anywhere in the world.
Our retreat will provide you with life coaching strategies so you can learn how to coach yourself. These are powerful tools to help you make life-changing decisions that will bring about inner transformation.
More and more successful people consider self-coaching skills a vital component of their self-care.
This week’s blog will talk about the 3 most common problems you can overcome by learning to coach yourself.
If you are:
- feeling under-motivated at work or in your life,
- realizing you are stuck in a problem you can’t solve,
- or putting everyone’s needs above your own,
the life coaching strategies below can really help you feel better and move your life forward. Why? Because you have the power to effect positive change in your life.
What are the benefits of learning to coach yourself?
Just like coaching with a professional life coach, coaching yourself is all about facilitating change. Most clients come to coaching because they’re either in the middle of change and don’t know what to expect, or they need to change and can’t make it happen.
Is that you?
Are you ready for a change but don’t know how to make it happen?
Are you only half-committed because you are fearful of what change will bring?
Are you caught in the endless thought loop of wishing for change? Eg. “I wish I could get more organized.” “I wish I could lose weight.” “I wish I were happier.” “I wish I had a million dollars.”
Learning to coach yourself is a journey of self-discovery. And self-discovery is foundational for creating lasting change. Your insights will radically change your life when you take action on the knowledge you gain. You can’t change what you don’t see.
Amazing things can happen when through your self-coaching, you learn to shift your perspective on your problems, connect with the essence of who you, and let yourself own what it is you really really want.
Bottom line, learning to coach yourself like a professional is powerful self-care!
3 Common Problems You Can Overcome by Learning to Coach Yourself.
Problem #1 – You are feeling under-motivated at work or in your life
Humans are driven by two main motivations: to move away from pain, or to move toward pleasure.
If you are feeling under-motivated you either want to make where you are sooooo painful that you just have to move or you want to make where you are going sooooo desirable that it pulls you right off of the couch.
Life Coaching Strategies: Ideal Day/Life Visualization, Vision Board, Values Clarification
If you want to go for the “make it sooooo painful route,” I would suggest you combine it with the “make it sooooo desirable route” like this.
Step 1. Write out all the painful things about where you are at right now. Imagine yourself a few years from now and nothing has changed. What would that feel like? No really, what would you feel like if your situation did not change at all over the next several years. If you want this strategy to work, you have to really feel it. Ugh!
Step 2. Start creating the vision of the desired outcome. What does your Ideal Day look like? What are you doing? How do you feel? Really dig into it. You can add more oomph to it by creating a Vision Board depicting your Ideal Day. You can even expand it into your Ideal Life.
What’s important is that you remove the resistance that will come up. Go right by limiting thoughts and fears. Let go of the “but how will I do it”, or “I don’t believe it.” This step is all about using your imagination every day to increase your desire.
Remember, this is the vision that you want to pull you forward. Don’t worry about how it will happen. We just want to get you up off the couch and out the door in the direction of your dreams.
Step 3. If you are feeling unsure about what brings you joy, or what makes you come alive, here is where Values Clarification comes in.
It gives you a chance to revisit the times in your life when you did feel excited or fulfilled. These peak experience moments can give you clues as to what matters to you. A fulfilling life that is motivating is built around what matters most to you and not what others tell you to do. The Values Clarification exercise will give you insight into your own North Star or Life Compass. It gives you great guidelines to follow that will always give you the energy and motivation to succeed.
We use something called a “Peak Experience” exercise in our classes to help students and clients figure out their Core Values. But you can do a quick one now by simply searching for a Values list online and circle the top 3 – 5 that really speak to you. You want your values to ring true at a deep level.
Now you have a start at imagining your Ideal Day/Life based on living in alignment with your Values List.
Problem #2 – You realize you are stuck in a problem you can’t solve
Albert Einstein wrote: “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.”
There’s a lot to unpack in that idea. First, is the notion that we have some responsibility in creating our problems in the first place. That is paramount if you want to life coach yourself. You have to take responsibility for the problem. Ouch! I know. But you can only work on the things you have control over. Everything else has to go. So first things first, figure out your part. Now we have a starting point.
Life Coaching Strategies: Client as Wizard, Asking Powerful Questions
Second, to move to a different level of thinking, you can use two really great life coaching strategies: Asking Powerful Questions and imagining the Client as Wizard.
Powerful Questions are the backbone of good coaching. They are usually short and sweet. And they cannot be answered with a yes or a no. Start your inquiry with these words:
- How – how did I get here in the first place?
- When – when did it start?
- What – what’s another way of looking at this?
- Who – who can help me?
Try to avoid “Why” questions. They can lead you into analysis paralysis. The “why” did you do something, or the “why” did this happen, or even “why” didn’t you do something will not move you to another level of thinking.
The “why question” will keep you stuck right in the problem.
And so, if you just can’t find another way to look at the problem, try the Client as Wizard strategy.
Basically, life coaches don’t focus on the problems, they look to uncover solutions. And we all believe that people have the answers within themselves if they can just bypass the negative critical voice.
Imagine you have the answers within because you do. Ask those powerful questions to your deeper, inner self, the Wizard within who has all the answers. And allow that wiser self to just say whatever comes to your mind.
You will be surprised by how clever you are about your own problems. It’s very likely you know the steps you need to take right now, but you just haven’t faced up to them.
You may find using a journal to do a stream of consciousness type of writing very helpful here. Powerful Questions and the Client as Wizard are two strategies that will help you rise above the problem and to get you unstuck.
Problem #3 – You are putting everyone’s needs above your own
Most people are out of touch with their wants and their dreams.
Our busy day-to-day lives block us from deeper introspection. But without a doubt, the most common reason people, especially women and mothers are not living a fulfilling and happy life is because they put everyone else’s needs above their own. Time to reconnect with yourself.
Life Coaching Strategies: Goal Setting with the Wheel of Life and Future Self, Validation
Goal Setting is an important aspect of any coaching. And it doesn’t have to be complicated. Just think of it as a destination. If your favourite cousin is getting married in California in June, your goal is to get to California on or before that date.
It might help you to go around the Wheel of Life. Ask yourself, where do I want to go in these areas: Career, Money, Friends, Family, Romance, Health, Personal Growth, Spirituality, Home, Fun and Recreation.
There… you have some goals. That’s so great.
If you want to get some help making sure you are on the right track you can do two things: Firstly, check to see that your goals are in alignment with the values from the Values Clarification exercise. Secondly, try doing a Future Self exercise.
Imagine you are 20 years in the future and you are walking toward a home. It’s the home of your Future Self. When you knock, she answers and invites you in. Ask her questions about the last 20 years. What worked? What didn’t work? What would she do differently? What advice does she have for you? (notice, all powerful questions!).
When you are done, say thank you and leave. Then take a few quiet moments to write down all you recall from your imaginary visit with your Future Self.
Is there anything you need to change regarding your goals? Change them.
Finally, Validation. We are pretty good at validating others. We can tell our friends something about them that we appreciate and respect. But can you do that for yourself?
Can you validate yourself?
When we put everyone else’s needs above our own, we are sending a message to ourselves that we don’t matter as much as others. And that just isn’t true. EVER.
Life Coaching Exercise: Take some time to remind yourself of your strengths. Write them out. And validate yourself when you draw on them. For example, you had a long call with a friend and you listened closely. Validate yourself for that. Get yourself a rubber stamp with VALIDATED on it and stamp stamp stamp to your heart’s desire.
It’s so important for you to coach yourself with this last skill. That alone can change your life because it changes the eyes through which you see. It lifts you up. It’s just plain love washing over you. And love changes everything.
So there you have it. Learning to coach yourself is just the most amazing and powerful self-care. It gives you strategies to implement. It gives you the strength to do the hard things. It gives you validation that you are worth it.
Whether you want to change careers, start a business, build better habits, or develop your skills, strengths, and relationships to help you flourish, rest assured that YOU have the power to make that transformation happen.
You can coach yourself to greatness.
In this blog you learned strategies to help if you are:
- feeling under-motivated at work or in your life,
- realizing you are stuck in a problem you can’t solve,
- or putting everyone’s needs above your own.
But Wait. There’s More!
I have an amazing event coming up that can support you fully in your Self-care going forward:
Self-Care Life Coaching Retreat
– Join me and Lora Lisi, Spiritual Coach and Founder of BlissOm Yoga Studio and Holistic Learning Centre, January 22 – 24, 2021 for a weekend of Self-care – Life Coaching Retreat.
And it’s all online.
You can join from anywhere in the world. Amazing!
We will teach you all the life coaching strategies you learned above that will give you the tools to help with your inner transformation and life.
We’ll also practice gentle mindful movements through active meditation.
This Self-Care Retreat is ideal for the person who wants to receive the benefits of thinking and solving problems like a life coach but does not necessarily want to become one by profession.
Right below here is the link to learn more and register.
Just click on “Yes. I Can Use Some Self-Care” and it will take you there.